2012: Only For The Douche

Get ready for the cheesiest ride of your life, 2012 manages to make the last moments of planet earth, the gayest ride in human history (with commercials).

The story centers around a divorced couple, trying to save their children from the global chaos erupting around the world, with the ex-wife's [Amanda Peet] new boyfriend [Thomas McCarthy] being the third wheel of the situation (Ok, so he flies the plane, big deal! in today's world you'd be a douche if you don't know how to fly a plane, meh...)

To add a little more cheese to the cheesiness, Woody Harrelson plays the mad man, that was right all along...seriously, it's getting old.

I was really looking forward to rocking this movie, thinking it would have a butt load of chaos theories and arguments to do with the Mayan calender and what not, but like every thing in the movie, my expectations were crushed.

One of the best parts of the trailer (apart from all the big ass explosions, and tsunamis) was when John Cusack was talking to Amanda Peet about the global epidemic, and she's like "you need to calm down" and he replies back "when They (The Government) tell you not to panic, that's when you Run!" that was pretty awesome, but when you wrap that around the rest of the movie, it's like Kermit the Frog telling Yogi Bear lets run away from the big bad monkeys trying to toss feces at us.

The movie runs over 2 and half hours, and through out the plot there is plenty of gayness to go around, like when Jackson [John Cusack] is getting the map out of Charlie's van (Woody Haarrelson), while his kids, ex-wife and boyfriend are getting ready to fly the plane, out of "Yellowstone National Park" which will soon become a volcano, the most generic/predictable scenario breaks in:

(I'll be using more appropriate names for the characters)

Douche Bag (Gordon, aka "the boyfriend): We gotta leave!

Sissy Son, that needs a smack on the face: NO! he is my dad!

Then, Cusack comes out of the melting abyss that he was about to die into with, you guessed it.

5 Days after the movie's premiere, South Park aired their season finale, which was a parody episode titled "Pee". The episode literally pissed on the whole thing.

The movie keeps up the cheesy till the end, and closes with a classic cheesy moment of "father and son save the day" progressing into "will the hero/father survive"...obviously?

Conclusion:

The movie is made by the same creators of "Independence Day" and "The Day After Tomorrow" and seriously adds NOTHING new, even the special effects as high def as they where still are not enough on any level to make this movie worth your money. Unless your a fan of cheesy disaster films with a thin story line, and weak character development, then 2012 is the movie for you.


Rating: Go watch Die Hard instead.